


But There's Room For Two

by revel_ry



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sickfic, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23271358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revel_ry/pseuds/revel_ry
Summary: “You have to listen to me, okay? It’ll be a mistake for you to meet me here again tomorrow.” He starts to back towards the subway doors.“I won’t regret it,” Daichi says.“You will.” He stops just before he steps onto the train. “My name is Suga.”//Daichi has a habit of writing letters to Suga.
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 17
Kudos: 67





	But There's Room For Two

**Author's Note:**

> I had this under another account previously, but deleted it from there and moved it here with new characters.  
> Based off of and title taken from the acoustic version of "Six Feet Under the Stars" by All Time Low.  
> Enjoy :)

**7**

“Death is sort of like hide and seek.”

Daichi gazes upward at the sky—atmospheric blue, devoid of clouds. His head is pillowed in Suga’s lap. Suga, cross-legged underneath him, is playing with his hair.

“Is it?” Daichi asks.

Suga takes in a deep breath. Right now, he still can. “Yes. One day you’ll be counting down from fifty, and you’ll open your eyes. And I won’t be there anymore.”

Daichi pays close attention to the feeling of Suga’s fingertips, and his legs underneath his neck. In the breeze, the long grass around them makes waves that Daichi can only see in his periphery. To him, the sky is the sea; to Suga, the field. To both of them, the sound of the ocean is the same.

“It’s so hot,” he says.

Suga smiles.

Daichi closes his eyes, and is too afraid to count.

**X**

Daichi reaches the top of the stairs and opens the door to his room. When he closes it behind him, he feels the black scarf that’s tied to the door handle against his palm. He turns on his light, looking up at the ceiling fan. He looks over at his desk chair, and it eyes him back.

He pulls out the chair to sit.

Loose leaf is better—he can fold it and tuck it away into the drawer with the others. He takes out one piece of paper and finds a pen. He prefers silence, but this time he’ll just have to deal with the music downstairs.

_I know I shouldn’t be doing this now, at my own party, but…I just wanted to let you know that I got back into Tohoku. All that work paid off, huh? I still think you shouldn’t have studied with me, at the end. What a waste of time._

_Anyway. It’s my birthday today. I miss your presence. Ha ha get it? Mom got me a jacket and a new laptop. I told her my old laptop was good enough but she insisted on this one that you can turn the screen around and draw on it like a tablet. It’s really cool. I don’t know if I’ll ever use it._

_I know that’s not what you want to hear. It’s just been so long, Suga. Time has become rain and it just keeps falling and falling. I don’t know how much longer_

He stops, holding the pen above the next word’s potential. He told himself he wouldn’t say these kinds of things to Suga. Suga would kill him for it.

_I’ll draw you something maybe, if I get the chance. I’ll draw you. I’ll make sure every strand of that gorgeous silver hair is perfect. Not a single one out of place. Would that be okay?_

_I want to kiss you. I’m 20 today. I know I’m not very good at drawing but I’ll try. I want to kiss you._

He stops again, wondering if he should lock his door. He sits and thinks for a moment, gazing at the scarf, then forgets it. He goes to the next line.

**15**

The rain is cold on Daichi’s face while he jogs through. He watches him disappear down into the subway. Daichi draws in a quick breath and hopes he isn’t too late, or that the train isn’t too early. He crosses the street, shoes splashing on the asphalt. The plastic bag in his hand makes noise as if it’s telling him to hurry. He goes down the stairs.

He’s standing at the edge, just behind the yellow line. Daichi lets his eyes slip closed for a moment as he walks over.

“I got you this.” He holds the bag out in one hand.

He looks up at him. It’s the first time Daichi has seen his face this close up, this straight on. He’s shockingly attractive, phenomenally beautiful.

“What is it?” he asks.

Daichi grins at the response. He reaches into the bag and pulls out a plastic package, tied with a gold ribbon. “Sesame cookies. The brand is called Daichi. That’s my name.”

He looks at the package. “Daichi what?”

“Sawamura,” Daichi says.

He looks at him again. “Have you been following me?”

Daichi lowers his hand. His heart palpitates; he can feel it in his throat. “Today?”

“Every day.”

Daichi can’t take his eyes away from his gaze. “I just wanted to know your name.”

“You don’t want to be with me,” he says, not as a response, but as a fact.

Daichi twitches. His hand tightens with a crinkle of plastic. “I do.”

The train he takes every day arrives, and people start to get on. Daichi’s heart races.

He takes the cookies from Daichi’s hand. “You have to listen to me, okay? It’ll be a mistake for you to meet me here again tomorrow.” He starts to back towards the subway doors.

“I won’t regret it,” Daichi says.

“You will.” He stops just before he steps onto the train. “My name is Suga.”

**X**

_There was an accident. Somewhere along the line down your life path, somebody messed something up. I can’t believe this is what they handed to you. It should have been way later, after years and years and we had a place together and whatever you wanted. After a thousand trips to the beach and ten thousand mornings and a million chances to look at you. I should have been able to hold onto your hands and kiss you in front of everybody before we had our first dance. You should have been able to watch my graduation day. We should have been able to meet halfway across the floor of our apartment after I got home from work too late so I could apologize and you could forgive me. I should have been able to map the wrinkles on your face while you talked to me about that one time we laid in the sun in a field for three hours and you played with my hair when we were young. Do you remember that? How is it fair that you got to do that but you didn’t get to come to my birthday party tonight? How is any of it fair?_

His hand hurts and his writing is too sloppy. Suga sometimes told him he could have a temper. It’s hard not to be angry at things.

He flexes his fingers.

_I’m sorry. I am so madly in love with you._

In the cabinet downstairs he has a bottle of his medication. He could even use the stairs themselves.

**13**

Suga’s lips get even redder when Daichi kisses them. The apples of his cheeks are flushed pink after they make love, matching with the soft inner parts of his thighs. If Daichi’s lips left prints in their wake, Suga’s body would be a masterpiece.

Suga lets his hands come up to Daichi’s face.

Daichi notices for the first time the depth of color in Suga’s irises—not just brown but slow and thick, like molasses. Daichi watches his imagination make them swirl around dilated pupils of negative space in easy, sweet whirlpools.

“It’s multiple myeloma,” Suga says.

Daichi blinks. For some reason, he can’t breathe.

“Stage three.” Suga brushes at the short ends of Daichi’s bangs. “Do you regret me yet?”

After a while, Daichi says, “You always were so pale.”

Suga smiles, wide and soft. “Do you want to know how long?”

“Tomorrow I’m dropping all of my classes,” Daichi says.

Suga brushes his cheek with his thumb. “Don’t do that.”

“You can’t do anything to stop me. You can’t keep me away from you. Even with your shitty blood.”

“This is me saying you need to live your life.”

Daichi leans down, very close to Suga’s lips. “And this is me doing exactly that.”

**X**

Daichi refocuses on the paper. How long has it been?

_I was thinking I might go to the beach again soon. I hate it there. I’m so sorry I know that was our place I hate it there. The air smells like you. You’re part of the water now._

He just bought new razors. One is open, still untouched, on the sink.

_I miss holding your hand, you know? I think I said that before. Maybe last week one day. I mean it. There was that time when we went to Kyoto and that one cherry blossom fell between our hands. Remember? What a movie. This whole thing is one long movie._

_They were in your hair too. They landed there in the silver and you were made of light colors and piano music. The creases at your eyes when you smiled were perfect cool shade in the sunlight. I’m so mad that you never let me take a picture of you. I’m so mad._

He won’t.

His pen is running out of ink. Will he need a new one?

_I have to go soon. This might be my last letter._

**4**

“This much bleach might make it all fall out, you know.”

Suga laughs. It’s not as strong as it used to be. It comes from higher up in his chest, and lacks essence. “That might have stopped me from the chemo, but not from this.”

Daichi paints chemicals onto the roots of Suga’s hair. He would give everything for this to be chemo. “I’ve told you before how much I like your hair, right?”

“Many more than once,” Suga says.

Daichi nods. As badly as he wants to, he won’t look at Suga’s face in the mirror.

“Will you take me to Koizumi Beach?” Suga asks.

“Sure. We can go tomorrow.”

“I want you to scatter my ashes there.”

Daichi’s hand shakes. He grasps the brush harder. “If that’s what you want, Suga.”

“Maybe not tomorrow though, huh?” He laughs again.

He won’t cry. “No. Not tomorrow.”

He won’t.

**X**

_I can’t think of any more ways. One of these will have to do._

Someone knocks on his door. He doesn’t answer, and they go away.

_I dream about you a lot. You’d think it’d be like in the stories where your face is slowly fading from my memory and you’re becoming a second model of yourself, built from old parts. An afterthought. Some figurine. But you already were one you were already so perfect sculpted from marble hand painted and placed right in front of me what was I supposed to do? Nobody ever told me how easy it was for you to break._

_You were too fragile for me. What could I do. I’m always counting from fifty but I can never get to one. I do not regret you._

_In my dreams, you never turn around._

_I miss you, Suga. Down to the smallest fraction of a second, I miss every moment of you._

He puts down his pen.

**1**

“Do you remember when we fought about this thing?”

Daichi looks at Suga’s portable oxygen. It was hard to get through the sand, but he did it anyway. Daichi made him get it, so he pulled it too.

The half moon’s distant volatile reflection off the ocean cuts out their silhouette. The sound of the water on the shore surrounds them, but Daichi can still hear Suga’s delicate voice perfectly.

He knows it isn’t much longer.

“Yes,” he says.

“I’m sorry about that.”

Daichi has never recognized the constellations, but the stars still alight on the very tips of Suga’s hair.

“Remember when we went back to my place after we were in that field?” he asks.

Suga nods. “You told me I would live forever then.”

Daichi watches the waves play hide and seek with him. “You will.”

Suga looks at Daichi and smiles. “Yeah.” He kisses Daichi’s cheek, then rests his head on his shoulder. “I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Follow or visit me on
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/revel__ry)
> 
> if you'd like me to write something for you :)


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